You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

It’s more than just a catchy quote, it’s one of the most profound truths about human behavior. Who you choose to keep close matters more than you may realise. It shapes how you think, how you feel, how you handle setbacks, and how you show up in the world.

We’re wired for connection, but that connection comes with influence.

Whether we notice it or not, our nervous systems are constantly picking up on the moods, attitudes, and beliefs of the people around us. Spend time with someone who sees life as hopeless, and soon you may find yourself questioning your own optimism. But spend time with someone who quietly believes in your potential, and suddenly your courage starts to stretch.

The Emotional Climate of Your Life

Michael Yapko, a world-renowned clinical psychologist, once said that the quality of your decision-making determines the quality of your life. But here’s the secret nobody tells you: the people around you heavily influence your decision-making. Your environment is either a greenhouse or a desert for your growth.

If you’re constantly around criticism, drama, or subtle negativity masked as “realism,” you start to shrink. You start to doubt your goals, your gut instincts, and eventually… yourself.

But in the presence of emotionally mature, kind, growth-oriented people? You expand. Not because they fix your problems, but because they remind you, simply by being themselves, that it’s safe to grow.

Safety vs. Growth: A Daily Choice

Abraham Maslow put it beautifully: “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

That quote strikes at the heart of this truth: the people you choose are either keeping you safe and stuck… or nudging you, gently but consistently, toward your growth.

And here’s the powerful part: you get to choose. You get to be the editor of your environment. You get to say no to the friend who drains your energy and yes to the mentor who stretches your perspective. You get to unfollow, unsubscribe, and detach from the voices that make you feel small.

Because your time, energy, and attention are sacred. And the people you give them to shape the path you’re walking, consciously or not.

How to Start Choosing Better

  • Notice how you feel after spending time with someone. Energised or depleted? Inspired or stuck?
  • Protect your peace. Just because someone has been in your life a long time doesn’t mean they belong in your future.
  • Seek out people who challenge you kindly. Who encourage your healing, not your hiding.
  • Become that person for others. Sometimes the best way to attract growth-minded people is to be one yourself.

Final Thought

You’re not just choosing who to spend time with. You’re choosing who you’re becoming.

Your environment isn’t neutral, it’s shaping your identity, belief systems, and emotional health every single day. Choose people who help you remember who you are when you forget. Choose people who believe in your dreams, especially when you’re too tired to believe in them yourself.

Your growth depends on it.